


Dead On Arrival

by Popmypunk



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Confused Danny, Depression, Drinking, F/M, M/M, Pining, Pissed Kono, Romance, Upset Chin, Whump, im a sucker for sad or depressed steve, lying, sad Steve, self hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-19 04:29:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9418799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Popmypunk/pseuds/Popmypunk
Summary: He was going to be married, with a hunk of metal wrapped around his finger binding him to someone else. Someone who wasn't me.





	1. Leave. It's okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Please note, in this story Chin is married once again. There will be no interaction with said spouse, it's just that he's married.
> 
> *for anyone following my other H50 work, a new chapter will be soon.

A knock? Who's knocking at 1 in the morning? 

Quickly throwing a pair of old sweatpants on, I padded down the stairs leisurely making my way to the door. For some reason, whoever knocking sped up their knocks, making myself even more frustrating. 

"I'm coming, hold on."

Throwing the door open, Danny came into sight. Why did he knock? He has a key.

 

"Danny?" I asked. He was staring down at his shoes, an indescribable look across his face.

"I'm engaged, Steve." He quickly said as he brought his eyes to meet mine. Engaged? Right, Melissa. 

This was it, the nail in the coffin. I missed my chance, I've lost Danny. Our friendship was already non existent the moment he began getting serious with her, it was only a matter of time before our partnership deteriorated too. He was going to be married, with a hunk of metal wrapped around his finger binding him to someone else. Someone who wasn't me. Am I jealous? Yes. 

I can already see the work going downhill too, all because of he's getting married. Chin, Kono , and Danny are all going to have a special connection that I'll never understand. I'm going to be the lone man out, the robotic SEAL who "can't comprehend basic emotions". 

"Steven? Are you with me?" Danny questioned, as he snapped his fingers in my face. Must of zoned out.

"Congratulations, Danny. You guys are going to make a wonderful husband and wife." I croaked out, my mind still running about my latest failure. Danny cocked his head,

"You okay there Steven?" In a half assed attempt to shape up, I nodded quickly in response. Maybe a little too quickly. 

"No no, I'm just over the moon. Seriously Danny, congratulations. You deserve the many years of happiness to come!" I cringed, "many years."

"Thanks buddy, means a lot." Lies. It doesn't, if it didn't you wouldn't be doing this.

"Hey, take the day off! Celebrate with the fiancé! Hell, tell Chin and Kono to take the day off, maybe have dinner and celebrate together! Bosses orders!" My enthusiasm was beyond fake, I knew Danny could see through it. Though if you're going to break my heart at 1 am, I don't really care.

"Why can't you tell them?" He questioned. Of course, I forgot. Detective Sergeant over here.

"No heading in, reserves training." I said, coughing up the first lie to come to mind.I was fidgeting at this point, I need to just get away from him now. I can't stand to see the face that breaks my heart even more with every beat.

"Isn't that the last week of every month?" Sharp,I knew there was a reason I liked him.

"Volunteered to help out the drill Sergeants with this incoming BCT." I shot in response to his slowly accusatory tone and looks.

"Basic training? Isn't that 8 weeks long? Why didn't you tell me? Did you tell the team? Did you clear this with the Governor? Wait weren't you going to have a big 4th of July party this weekend?-."

"Daniel can we wrap this up? I have to report to Pearl in two hours." I barked. Great,grief sure is a pretty color on me. 

"Uh, yeah. Sure, it's-"

"Don't be surprised Detective Williams, you've said it yourself, "I've been 'programmed' for nothing less." The Navy is my family, the orphans got to stick together somehow." My temper was slowly rising.

"Steve, that's not wh-"

"Goodnight Detective Williams and congratulations."

And with that I slammed the door and swiftly locked it. With on hand still on the deadbolt I let my body lean against it. 

I had lost him. I've lost it all. 

Forgetting to turn off the living room lamp, I marched to the dining room table, the orange light illuminating my heavy steps . Lined with various types of alcohol that was meant for the party I was suppose to throw, I picked up the closet bottle. Twisting the top off, I immediately tipped the bottle backwards downing every possible ounce. Within minutes the vodka bottle was empty and I still felt numb. 

 

When was it my turn for good? Haven't I done enough? Was I meant to be happy or am I just broken?

Anger began flowing through my veins, slowly but surely it filled every part of body. I was angry at myself. At God, at everything.

Suddenly I heard the sound of glass shattering. In my rage I had throwing the bottle on the ground, little pieces of glass scattering everywhere.

Great.

Moving to attempt to clean up mess, I saw a pair of head lights flick on and the sounds of tires going in reverse down my gravel drive way. Danny.

"Yeah leave me. Everyone does anyways."


	2. It's A Matter Of Time Before We All Run Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where are you and I'm so sorry, I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note this is a chapter that will contain depressing and trigger topics, be advised. Also, I am trying my best to create Steve's depression in a realistic light. If you have first hand experience ( much like myself) and think somethings off, message me. let me know.

I stumbled back to the table covered in booze. If I wasn't going to be holding a party I couldn't just let it all go to waste. Throwing caution to the wind I randomly picked up another bottle, tearing the cap off and tipping the bottle back. The burning feeling in my throat sent a shiver down my body, it was probably the best feeling I've had in a long time. Hell one of the only feelings. Common sense and any true feelings I had about the little announcement that just occurred flew out the window with every gulp I took. Part of me felt like an asshole, my best friend was engaged. I should have invited him in for a celebratory drink - God knows I had enough drinks to celebrate- and been nice. I shouldn't be have these feelings, I should be happy for Danny. He had someone ( else) wanting to spend the rest of their life with him, something I’ll never have.

I finished off the bottle and threw it across the room, if I was going to make a mess might as well make it count. Feeling around on the table covered in alcohol , I picked up another bottle, Jesus last time I drank this much I was just entering academy in Annapolis. I threw the cap off and began to take another sip when the signal that I needed to take a leak finally came through, off to the bathroom it was.

Stumbling my way to the stairs I grabbed the banister and held onto it like was the last thing on earth and made the journey up. Every step was like it had oil on it, my feet tried hard to get their footing but it was a losing battle. After a great struggle I was finally onto the second floor.

 I made my way into the bathroom discarding the bottle onto the counter and stumbled my way to the toilet. As I maneuvered my inebriated body the best I could I passed the large mirror that hung over the sink and counter, my reflection catching my eye. I halted and turned my body to face the mirror, seeing every last detail of my body showed. My eyes became hyper critical, raking over my body pulling up every little flaw. Could my appearance be the reason Danny never gave me the time of the day? Was there something wrong with me? I mean I know that was a loaded question, but seriously, did I ever have a chance? Frustration ran through me as the alcohol dulled my senses. Urination be damned, I had to get rid of the thing I hate, myself. I slammed my fist into the reflection of myself, causing the mirror to dent where my fist now lay. Pulling back I inspected the damage, tiny shards of cheap glass laid embedded in my bleeding fist. Though the right side of my reflection was now littered with tiny spiderweb like cracks that were taunting me.

 Controlled damage, something I could stand behind. I knew what I was doing, I knew what damage would occur. I was in control, unlike with Danny. I was the one who called the shots.

_Slam!_

 My fist met the left side of my reflection, the same blood and glass process repeating. The alcohol fuel my ambition to remove my worthless reflection from the bathroom. Drawing back my fist I took another swing at the damaged mirror, my left hand gripping the granite counter for stability. _Swing, swing, swing_ my fist hit the mirror with brute force, inflicting as much damage as possible. I had to destroy the thing no one wanted at all, myself. Within seconds the mirror was completely destroyed, my reflection no longer able to be seen. My hands were bleeding freely and little chunks of glass shined in light of the bathroom. I couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing that I could feel a thing. Part of me wished I did, maybe it would have distracted me from Danny and his new found love. I just stood letting the blood drip onto the flood bead by bead.

 Moving my arms, I twisted my body and picked up the previously disregarded bottle of alcohol and brought it in. Leaning forward a tad, I stuck my hand out over the sink and poured the alcohol over my beaten knuckles, hissing this time at the sting. Repeating the process with the second hand, I sat the bottle back down on the counter. There was something liberating about harming yourself and then feeling the burn after.

Huffing I turned around and headed out of the bathroom and across the hall to my bedroom, I was fucking sick of standing. Two steps, or more like stumbles I was into my room. I landed on the bed, letting my face press into my pillows.I could feel everything and nothing at all, I was dulled. Dulled in the brain, dulled in the heart, and dulled in the spirit. My fists still bleeding freely. Maybe if I wasn't so drunk I would care, but then again after today, would I? My body was frozen in this position as my brain began replaying few a few hours ago. Danny knocking on the door. Danny telling me he was engaged. Engaged to a woman who couldn't even keep her name straight? Engaged to a woman whose husband attacked Danny. But who was I kidding, she had every reason to justify her actions and her lies. I'm just a type of fucked up no one can love, a caveman.

I mumbled into my pillow, “ Danny why am I not good enough for you?” Tears began pouring out of me, the pillows muffling my sobs as they slowly crescendoed into yells. I grabbed some of my now blooded sheets and balling my fists as all the emotions surged through my body,leaving me numb and cold. The thought of Danny leaving got to me. Everyone in my life left and now I was adding Danny to the list. I don't even know why I try anymore, I'm damaged beyond repair. Just damaged.

Why am I not good enough?

 

* * *

 

There was beeping that brought me out of the dark abyss that was sleep, even though in reality it was a soft sound with this hangover it sounded like a tsunami alarm. Groaning, I moved my arm out from under the pillow, hissing as the blanket rubbed over my shredded knuckles. That hurt like a fucking bitch, but moving in spite of the pain I felt around the on the side of my bed and picked up the source of the beeping, my damn phone. I began moving to sit up, but instantly body made me regret that. I could feel the contents of last night ( what the hell did I eat anyways) begin to come up, oh god I’m not barfing in bed.

 I threw the sheets off my body and instantly sprinted into the bathroom and skidded to my knees as I shoved my head into the toilet. Dear God drink has its downsides. My head stayed in the toilet for what seemed like ever until the vomiting became slight retching. Pulling my head up I still hugged the bowl, dear God why did I drink so much?

Slowly but surely I pushed my Bambi esque legs up until I was standing ( barely) and made my way to the sink. Coming face to face with the shattered, unusable mirror, I froze. Oh right, that's why I drank so much last night. Danny. Instantly I wanted to cry, how could you not when you've spent so long pining after someone and the up and dump you ( that's what it feels like) for someone else? I was going to be alone. So much for partners. I could feel the cold sensation of depression slowly taking over my body again, fuck, there was no coming back from this. I kept myself still as I tried to put together a plan of action. I was a military man, I always had to have a plan.

I started with assessing the damage I inflicted on my body, various source of pain were all over my body. Looking down I started looking at myself from the feet up, my feet had various small cuts littering my feet and just from standing I could feel that I had glass in my feet. Great. Counting up, I saw a giant stain on my sweatpants, gently tugging I began investigating the stain. Some of it was blood, but as I sniffed the air I could tell what the others were. Urine, great. I got so fucking drunk I pissed myself. Scanning the rest of my body I noted the cuts that littered my wrists, hands, and knuckles. Laughing, I thought to myself how fucking pathetic I must look. Smelling of vomit and urine and looking like I got into a fight, I really fucking needed a shower and a go at a first aid kit. Oh hey, that's what I’ll do, shower. That can be step one in my plan of action.

Moving slowly because of my feet, I shot my arm out and grasped the half full bottle alcohol and began moving towards my bedroom to get clean clothes. Maybe a little hair of the dog would fix this fucking hangover I thought as I took a swig from the bottle. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to shuffle my way into the threshold of my room, the pain in my feet and the rest of my body taking over. As I made my closer towards the center of the room, my ears were greeted with the pounding sound of my phone beeping, Jesus. Making it over to my bed, where I left my phone before rushing to hit the head. Leaning over my eyes caught a giant yellow spot on my sheets, gross more shit to do today. I slid pressed the home button, illuminating the screen I was brought face to face with 20+ notifications, ranging from the ‘Where are you, Boss?’ ‘Are you sick McGarrett?’ ‘ Are you okay Steve?’. But the worst ones? They came from Danny.

1:30am _I don't think you have training._

2:45am _Why are you lying?_

3:23am _Pick up the phone Steven._

4:40am _Chin pulled up Pearl’s logs, there is no training._

5:36am _I expect you to be at work tomorrow._

 7:50am _10 minutes Steven._

 8:24am _Everyone wants to know where you are._

8:26am _I'm giving you twenty minutes Steven. Get your ass here, we have a case_.

8:50am _That's it i'm coming over, we need to talk._

 I extended my arm over and felt around for the bottle. Picking it up I downed the rest of the bottle, fuck. Today is going to be a long day.

**Author's Note:**

> Should I make this chaptered? Or make it a one shot?


End file.
